PART 1 – ‘HOW I WENT FROM HIGH HEELS & PEARLS…to camo!”
You came back to read more! Congratulations!! Now, as they say in all great scripts, “Let’s start at the beginning….”
Follow me on this part of my journey through my first experiences in a tree-stand, in the woods, with wildlife, hunting, camo – having to be quiet, not being able to wear perfume and more odd stuff to me…at the time…which now three years later… is all as natural as my blonde hair-colour. Okay, my stories are true, the blonde in my hair? Well, you’ll have to ask Ms. Clairol about that!
Now, grab some popcorn and put your feet up, you’ll love these stories!
“Learning the Rules of the Forest”
Left the comforts of my designer Dressing Room to go to the North Country Camp for the weekend. I'm learning how to be a hunting partner...meaning sit still, be quiet, no perfume, don’t yell ..."AWEEE, LOOK!!!.... A DEER/BEAR/MOOSE!"
This weekend I got 5 "F's" because:
1. I screamed really loud when I stepped in wildlife poop while wearing high heel Croc sandals in the wooded acreage. Then loudly asked what kind of poop it was, then yelled even louder when he said it was probably coyote.... Cuz I was scared the coyote was there still and gonna kill me.
2. He caught me looking panicked and crying looking like Tammy Faye with mascara running down my face, in a different field because it was different looking than last time, grass real high. Thought I was lost. Even though he was right there. Then asked why there aren't signs, and a road made and then called that hunting field "Death Valley", because I felt things went there to die, he said "good". I cried AGAIN... just a few tears, no noise though... cuz I was talking about me dying, he was thinking of a big harvest. Whoopsie, my bad.
3. I didn't scootch in and duck in 6-wheeler and got snapped with trees. I didn't cry, but whimpered a little...gold hoop earrings fell out, Coach sunglasses got a scratch and I spilled Coke a few times.
4. I wore perfume and cute tank and Capri's and squealed when blackflies, horseflies, skeeters, and spiders got on me. Plus, I screamed each time, Doug says I can't do that when bear/deer season starts.
5. I kept talking too much and saying “gros”s and asking if bears really sleep all winter. Then I cried again when he said big bears Sometimes eat baby moose. Then I was apoplectic when he said Mom bears shun their babies at two and turn them loose. Some of these things are just not right!
Luckily, this was just the first practice. Happy to be home... Looking forward to next week when I learn how to climb a tree stand ...sit still. Not fall out. Try to be quiet. And not cry when something moves or makes noise in the woods.
Glad he's known me for 38 years and realizes I'm nuts. Makes this whole process a lot easier! Looking forward to camo paint on my face!! I'm gonna do a 70s black Burt Reynolds mustache! Thanks for your patience, Doug Gay!
